i am THE queen bee. [entries|friends|calendar] tiffany alexis [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[December 27, 2007 @ 12:48am] [ mood | sleepy ]  christmas was great. it made me look back and realize how much i truly do have now. i used to just think about all the materialistic items i couldnt afford and how much that sucked. its amazing how much my life has change. i live very comfortably. money is no longer something i stress over. theres nothing i want so bad or have to have right now that money could buy. what i want is simply for my boyfriend to love me, only desire me, and just be my best friend for always. i want my daughter to always be taken care of and to know that i really do love her from the bottom of my heart and unlike the thought that goes through most narrow minds, being a 'young-er' mom has changed my life none. i have only gained and am truly spoiled with all ive been blessed with since having bianca. i know there are those who probably wished i would let myself go and resort to an average life after having a little one at such a sweet age, but i guess that just shows how much stronger i am then them :) another thing i want is success in my brother and sisters life. amazing how i am pretty much already getting that. my sister is in school and going to graduate in the medical field and my brother just graduated with awesome grades and is going for his masters. woo woo! go fam! :) haha. and most of all, i just want the world for my parents. especially the momsy but i love my dad as well. i just want my mom to never give up on her TRUE dreams and to know that she's already gotten so much farther then we all were at one point. we had an ultimate downfall at one point and im beyond joyed as to how much has changed and for the better. just when things seemed they should have got worst. i love how my family always pulls through and its really a motivator more than anything. on that note, i would just like to say that i hope 2008 brings great things to those i love and to myself. i have no real new years resolution. mine is simply to make the best of life just i have, even when i stress, and to never give up and stay as strong as i have been even through my all time lows.

[December 15, 2007 @ 12:25am] i guess its just now dawned on me that a new year is quickly creeping its way into my life. i should be focusing mostly on CHRISTMAS. for some reason im not stressing over what im getting my boyfriend who pretty much buys himself everything he wants whenever he wants. pssh. haha. ill figure something out...i hope. but ive got my 9 month old princess covered :) i did all her shopping and wrapped up all her goodies about 2 weeks ago. a few days ago i even filled up all 3 of our stockings. HA! ive got too much time on my hands. i realize this. and ive got something pretty nice for my best friend. last year i kind of got her whatever but this year i thought about it. she likes when you think about these things sooo hope she likes what i got. that still leaves me with my parental units and boyfriend. i have ideas now how to do it all without any of them knowing. hrmm... anyway, back to what i originally was trying to say. i just think about how i hoped for a great 2007 and im not going to lie...parts of it has been a blast. and i guess with all the good you gotta have just a little bad...and i did. nothing TOO dreadful but eh...you win some you lose some. the best was getting a fun, good paying job that i loved and was good at. ha. when you feel like your boss is more of a friend than a boss..life is sweet. the worst was probably getting my heart broken for a dumb reason not at my fault. nothing like feeling like shit for being yourself :[ in the end, i guess i can be myself, regardless, cause i change who i am for no one! but sometimes you gotta make sacrifices for love...in my case it was between a love of what i do for the love of who i love. blah. if its meant to be, i always have a place there for me again and who knows? 2008 isnt anything i anticipate so much but sometimes things catch you by surprise. i hope things do change for me though. im so bored with life right now. if it wasnt for my daughter keeping me on my feet all day and amazing me every second of everyday...well i cant say life would be anything exciting what so ever. i still do get to travel some and ive had a fun time doing so with my boyfriend this year. ive had alot of good times. with life getting better and better i guess i just need to keep up cause when i do have a lazy day..i lose it after a while. HA. for 08' i should make myself a promise...i guess. ha! we'll see how this goes. regardless! its a promise. that i do something big...not just for my own sake...but for the sake of my mini me :) who i love with my all, for the sake of my family. and also...to never ever EVER make myself so vulnerable as to enable someone to break my heart. if someones willing to let you go for a night out forgetting you...then let yourself go by showing them they can NEVER have you back..and dont ever look back. the worst damage i could do to myself in that situation is to bother seeing what he was doing while we were in our 'break up' period.

[November 15, 2007 @ 12:42am] [ mood | drained ] [ music | dj khaled - we takin ovvvvaaa ] goddamnit. why is it ive been posting here as of late? im gonna make this short because im super tired and ive had an exhausting and very tiresome (??) past couple of days. i love to download old songs that i used to jam out to back in like..middle school! haha. i swear the whole car ride from my mom's to my house was just a mix of various bands i used to listen to in like the beginning of high school and what not. i think the truck driver next to me enjoyed my lip-singing performance. whatevvv. i miss vegas. its weird but i feel like thats my home as well. i need to live there. chicago will always be where most of my fam reside but vegas is totally for me. then maybe take it to cali down the line but who knows. i love nevada. on another note, this is sort of random but for those of you who never believed in me, i enjoy proving you wrong everyday. life certainly has its hardships but coming out alive makes you that much more motivated and that much stronger. nee-nerr-nee-nerr. i should be in l.a. with my boyfriend right now. its lonely at casa la brock. he is my numero uno. when things get complicated between us, it gives me a tummy ache. i dont like thinking about them though sometimes i get the need to vent. i guess thats what livejournals and xangas are for? blah. mall tomorrow! im looking forward to jamba juice as opposed to any of the cheesy mall stores our mall has to offer. yuck. nothing will ever compare to my vegas. i dont care if new york is the shit and well, ive been all over cali and san fran and l.a. have bad ass shopping fo sho but vegas has everything i need. everything designer or not. its all there. ::sigh:: i need to book a flight back RIGHT NOW damnit. haaaa. whateve. i miss cristal. she was such a cool person. i remember how different both of us were in the beginning of our friendship as opposed to the peak of it. its hilarious. we were like freshman and we thought we were just so cool. haha. but we really were ;) i just remember all the shows we'd go to at the metro and we'd have to have like our parents or her brother drive us. OMG. but it was always so worth it. we ruled i swear. my entry was so much more than i entended. goodnight. im ready to pass out. im talking drool on the pillow, last nights makeup smeared everywhere, and the alarm will sound for at least a good half hour till i decide to press the snooze button and pass back out. hah. arent i charming? p.s. bianca rules.

sin city. [November 06, 2007 @ 8:12pm] viva las vegas! just got back from nevada today. was a long loonnnggg trip home. even longer once arriving realizing that it is absolutely FREEZING in this place. chicago's a great city, always will be home to me, but i dont want to live here much longer. considering brock and i both went on this trip (birthday gift to me :)) we are both pretty motivated to get on the ball and get the hell out of here. i know we will be moving to the west coast eventually, but for now we must focus and work. vegas was amazing, as i remember. best shopping. best food. we stayed at the mgm grand. great rooms! haha. pools..hot tubs...no line or cover charge at any club. club hopping tons to check them all out and gosh..all the hotels and casinos are amazing. no gambling. fuck that. sleeping in :) explored nevada. hoover dam! heyyy! haha. quality time with my <3 met some cool ppl..haha. motivation! oh..and spending wayyy too much money but hey! happy birthday to me :] i would have had fun regardless of all the $ spent because i love spending one on one time with my love. its like getting to know him all over again or remembering why i am so in love :) i cant really see my future right now. i know what i want to do but life dosent alllwayyyss work out exactly the way you see it. i mean that in a negative way, i just feel like theres gonna be a few twists and turns on the way but not necessarily bad ones.. wow, this entry was a total typo. im out. why do i update? probably because i can and i dont give a fuck. goodnight.

[October 01, 2007 @ 7:04pm] i'm sooooooooo tired!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yeahhhhhh. go livejournal! haaaaaaa. naptime.

im bored. why the hell not? [August 28, 2007 @ 2:49am] [ music | MTV REALITY TV: NEXXXXXTTT!! ] yoooo. im freakin bored. decided to give livejournal a shot since nobody reads it anyway. life is good. i have an awesome job in downtown chicago and the boyfriend & i are looking to move there possibly, though we are wanting to move to orange county more than anything, but since bianca is so little we cant take her away from my mom and the rest of the fam just yet. plus, we dont trust random baby sitters. definitely not. my mom is a great grandmother and loves to watch our little poop shoot when both of us are busy working. i could go on and on, but i am so proud of myself. i am actually jumpstarting my career of choice. i always wanted to be in the entertainment business but it seems so unrealistic. theres so many people that fail when they think they have what it takes. reality tv really discourages me everytime i see a judge cutting someone down about their talents whether its singing, dancing, or whatever else they can come up with. none the less i am finally doing something that makes me happy and easily pays the bills :) nothing like a job where i work doing what i love and get disappointed when its over and i can go home. haha. but yeah, life is good. what else? hrmm. im little. i weight like 102. now i know some lindsays, nicoles, and mary-kates out there that probably weight 80lbs or less but i guess being small is not good for my height or something cause everyone seems to notice. well, the mom and boyfriend. and i have to admit, going from a c cup to a b cup is not something i necessarily looked forward to. i want boobs. i do. go ahead and think im an idiot for wanting them. i do and i will most likely get them sometime in the near future so suck it. godd, mtv sucks. i dont even know why i leave it on while i lounge on the couch and am clearly not paying attention to it too much anyway. but im not gonna lie, the staging of their so-called reality tv shows does intrigue me just a little... i love my boyfriend. i am working a bit with something else i do to make that cash mon-eyyy on the computaaa but i cant wait to cuddle with him on the most comfortable bed ever with our daughter at our side. ahhh. i love being a mom. and you know what? fuck you if youre one of those types that are all "omg! she has a baby! she's so young! OMG! LETS GOSSIP AT HOW MUCH SHES MISSING OUT ON NOW!". its funny cause i never used to see through the eyes of a pregnant or young mother but gosh, i remember so many people talking shit and now i am on that boat. im a young mother but my life is probably better than most, regardless of having a baby. i live in a house much to big for the 3 of us, i have a loving boyfriend who will someday be my husband & he treats me like a queen, my daughter is beautiful and awesome and will stomp all over your face, we have THREE cars, two of which are BMWS, ones a 745Li and the bf just bought another,a 645. hott. bianca is more than well taken care of. i got to build my dream nursery for that kid. she's a brat. haha. but we're all down to earth, and she'll have to be too. my boyfriend and i have both been from the bottom to the top in our lives. both are families had their downfalls moneywise at times and its motivated the both of us to want to accomplish more for our lives. BLAH! but this isnt about how much we have and yadada. this is just to show that we have everything and more and bianca just makes life that much more sweet. on another note, my new idol is kim kardashian (i know i spelled her last name wrong). she's got a huge ass in which i lack, but dayyyum she is one sexy brunette! she's rich, gorgeous, wanted, and owns her own rim line. i seriously want a replica of her white range rover. not only is it white but it is also accented with pink, but very discretely. I LOVE IT. i will try my best to make a replica of her's within the next year or two. im not joking. another thought, haha, im thinking about alot. i miss all the cool people i used to meet at shows since i was like..in middle school. godd. cristal was awesome. ive experienced so much with that girl. she was so easy to talk to. we got close through a friend who knew us both yet we didnt know eachother and then she turned out to be the shittiest friend ever to us both so WE got close. yup. we were such badasses,,,aka complete losers...haha. but we didnt care. good times. ive had awesome friends. i remember meeting sam sam for the first time in chicago. she came up to me. i loved how outgoing she was but when it came to boys...they frustrated the fuck out of her. haha. miss our friendship. alicia was cool too. i wonder how everyone is doing these days but as far as ALL the ppl i met in those times and who i still keep in touch with, id have to say cristal's probably the only one and that is very rare when i do but in the same sense, she's the only one really worth putting an effort to keep in touch with cause we were extremely close! blah! tyler really put a damper into our friendship! :( i really wish i had spent more time in indiana with my bestfriend then with that jerkoff that only made my life worst in a state i definitely did not fit into. no offense, i met some cool kids in iowa, but they were all so far up my ex's ass because he was such a dick that it made ppl respect him. sooo manipulative. i really never cared to keep in touch with him since, though he had attempted to and then would get pissed off at me and start being rude. hahah. but man, he had so many issues. i hope, for any girl's sake whom he may have a future with, that he's changed. no girl deserves the tyler i was ever so fortunate enough to have a relationship with...ew. coolest ppl from iowa ever were the 'iowans' from too pure to die. brett, original member, coolest most bad ass guy ever and would kick your butt in one-two. i liked the individuals i met there. emily was cool. i never got to spend enough time with her. lots of whores there. tylers cheated on me with so many girls in that state ALONE that would seriously add me as a friend during the time of cheating. godd, i love looking back at who i was cheated on with...or what..HAHA. okay okay im joking. sort of. but ew, that brought down my self esteem so bad. no more of that. i realize who i am and what im worth and now that i finally have it, i am glad i will never be put into that state ever again and if i get even remotely close to that again, i will move on but that wont be happening. i finally met someone who's real, knows who they are, and has completely taken my heart, and i have his :) he respects me so much i almost felt as if it was too good to be true because of my previous relationship. my boyfriend and the daughter he's given me are two of the best gifts i could have ever received. godd, let me ramble ok? you're not reading anyway. sick of being the darkest brunette ever but i get discouraged when idiots from the salon that i pay $200 to color my hair put two strands of blonde in my hair and make it look worse than it was previously. story of my life. so i dye it dark brown or blackest black. very hot but getting old. enough of this. im getting hot. need to turn up the a.c. and go sleep in my undies with my cuddlebug. im annoying but i love my life and i think when you have it good, you need to record it somewhere cause if something were to go bad in my future, i can look back on this and these memories and remember that i felt on top of the world at one point in my life and it was freaaakin awesome :) here goes some pics to reflect on for those of you who care to take a looksy :) fashion show at ruby// downtown chicago. posing in some old outfits. okay! i was gonna post more but meh. im tired. goodnight livejournal.

[July 30, 2007 @ 12:37am] [ mood | tired ] godd, it is SO weird looking back at old entries of mine where ppl were actually able to comment. so many people have changed physically and as far as mentally?? who knows. some of those people i havent talked to or seen in years, literally. update on me? well, i love my job :) though i dont really need a job, i absolutely love doing what i love and getting paid on top of it. i work with a bunch of awesome, laid back mo-fo's at upscale places. soooo yeah, i meet a lot of freakin BALLERZZZ. haha. but meh. that really dont mean much to me. dont get me wrong though, many of these people have money to flush down the toilet yet they are so down to earth and real. not all, but many. i love getting the best work out of my life everytime i work. its pretty sweet. not gonna lie. i got pretty thin after giving birth to my munchkin, so im like 100lbs now. i used to be 110-115 or so. still thin but not lookin like i do now but i got muscle now so i dont look like linsday or nicole ;) the worst part about being thin is the no boobs. i miss the boobs. but yeah, the best part is i eat SO MUCH and stay this way. so im good at this weight. gotta prob? suck it. i know i look good cause i really do feel good :] this week me and 2 other girls i work with were chosen from the company to perform at an MTV super sweet sixteen party. haha. im taking off with whatever sweet ride the kid gets i swear...anyway, should be hilarious. im trying to get a new car. i want a lexus IS, scion tc, mitsubishi eclipse, or a hummer H3!! clearly the lexus and hummer would be a rediculous car payment, but im actually really going to try and get the lexus. i really love it and even if i have to work my butt off, i will be able to afford it. ITS MINE 8) and we're officially selling our beautiful house the for sale sign is up. then we want to move to orange county, but since bianca is small, we're going to try and move to the city so we wont be too far from family yet. my mom adores her. so thats my update. its pretty lame, but im pretty tired and felt like reflecting on some things. over and out!

[July 01, 2007 @ 3:48pm] LIFE IS GOOD!

i hate storms, unlike you. [April 30, 2007 @ 2:48am] i am so happy right now and it makes me really appreciate what i have at this time. sometimes when i look at the past, all i see is misery in comparison to the present. i just cant believe how negative my lifestyle was. i would have never realized it if it wasnt for change. im sure many talk about how i'm some drunkie clubhead now, but do they really know? it dosent bother me so much, though. now a days many think they know a person from their myspace profile. ha. i learned that people really AREN'T quite what they seem when i wasted a year and a half with a physco who tried to physically abuse me, cheated on me, never let me hang out with my best girlfriend, monitered my cell phone, and never let me spend my own work money on myself because he made me pay for his gas money to come see ME! HA. i realize it was my fault for putting up with him, but to be on track with the point i'm trying to make, he was soooo different when i first met him. when i first met him i met that guy off myspace. seemed confident, charming, funny, considerate, and intelligent. not much time passed till i met the real person behind that big, fake, smile. take all the characteristics i stated and take the opposite of those. inside that person was my worst nightmare. i guess i just stayed because i was young, it was my first real serious relationship, i was gulible...haha, and i thought maybe that guy i met the first time would return. but he would put on an act as if he changed but it was the same bullshit over and over. and the sad part about it is that his friends knew, and because they didnt want to get on his bad side, they kept their mouths shut. i cant wait till their asses get straight played. karma's a bitch. and at least i can say  that karma was definitely always on my side. whoo! i guess its been a while and i had to get some of that off my chest. i guess its just cause i have been so overly happy these past couple of days. life is so good with my boyfriend and daughter that at times, i almost feel like i dont deserve any of it. it feels to good to be true. i freak out that i am going to wake up and it all be a dream and im going to go back to hanging out with negative people with their negative lifestyles and i'd be back with my ex, continuing to pass up good guys and continue getting cheated on and verbally and pretty much physically abused. but i guess it makes getting out of relationships like that to make you realize just how much you really are worth. i am blessed. i couldnt be happier with anyone else. my boyfriend is it! we see it all, together. anywayyyyyyyy, for anyone who cares my life is good & can only get better. my life is not average and its very exciting. anddddddd MAN am i lucky :) for so many things, but especially my family. oppurtunity is knocking at my door, too. always. i have lots of plans that i will be doing and i am excited :) 2007 LEXUS LS....you are MINE by the end of this year. !!!

i had a baby! [March 20, 2007 @ 10:25am] [ mood | content ] i had a baby march 5th. she is my world and i just thought id share. her name is BIANCA MADISON.. and yeah, i am wearing my size 0 jeans again. eat it haters! i love my life :)

[December 31, 2006 @ 2:22am] [ mood | anxious ] i HATE ballet flats. did i seriously used to own a pair of those? yuck! i'm also completely disappointed at the whole 'chanel' phase. i love chanel because of it's sophisticated chic. now it is much too overdone and if i see another chanel bag on a mall rat i think i'm going to be sick. wow. im so glad the holidays are over. i was very happy with my gifts from everyone and i am glad my shopping is complete! im bored. i love my boyfriend very much. i hope we grow old together. he is my bestest friend. i can't wait till bianca gets here. we decorated a cuuuuute room for her. ahhh. she's gonna love it. 2007, please be the year for me and my family. i want only the best for those i love. without them by my side i would have no one and nothing. i want to reach my goals and give back to those who have helped me get there. wow. since when am i ever  on this thing?

[November 23, 2006 @ 7:30pm] couples: sometimes i see the happiest couples that seem to have NO fights or fueds WHATsoever & say things like "when you find the one, there will be no this or that or blah blah blah. everything will just be perfect!" right...right... & then i see couple that constantly, and i mean CONSTANTLY argue, bicker back and forth, seem like complete opposites yet still crawl back toward eachother. then that's when you start hearing things like "love is a battlefield" or "love is worth fighting for" or "it isn't true love if you don't have some flaws" and blah blah blah... i remember when sam sam and i were close and we'd stay up late for hours in her room talking about boys, why they do what they do, and LOVE. we were about 16 or 17. of course, teen girls always look toward magazines or obvious signs that really just end up getting your head going about the very abstract topic. i guess growing up i'm going to take my stand on "love" like this... there is no definition of what love is in my opinion. i mean, other than the one given in the dictionary. but i'm pretty sure you know what i'm talking about. each time i was ever with a person, i always had to question whether or not it was "love" and well, i can say that i've been with people that i 'loved' and 'cared' for at that moment in time, but i knew i wasn't "in love". i never knew the feeling of being "in love". even with my longest most serious relationship i kind of lied and told them i was in love more or less out of fear that they'd be pissed, but i made it clear how very out of love i was with them when i finally gave them the boot. i haven't ever gotten my heart broken, however, up until this year in march, i met someone who oddly enough, i feel, i fell in love with. true love can make you do some crazy things. it can change you. it can hurt you. but it can definitely make you happy. i always thought it was a bunch of bullshit when teenagers would get out of these silly 3 month relationships and say they've gotten their heart broken. i'm sure in some cases they probably were really hurt, but i just thought it was a bunch of bullshit drama that every teen loves. now that i see it in a different light, sure, some people may actually put more of their heart into what one may consider a petty relationship, making them very vulnerable in the situation. love is a scary thing. i can only hope his love for me is as real as mine for him. some people do not know that which results in heartbreak. now that i am in love with this individual, i fear often that any day we may just be over and i can get my first rotten taste of the reality of heartbreak. i love him very much. things between us have been changing, yet we are still together. sometimes i fear he only holds on to us for some very little stupid reason. i want him to hold on to us because he truly loves us. we were the best. we were infinite. in the beginning of our relationship, we were GOLD. nothing or nonone could touch us...ever. our love is very abstract. alot of the reason why i love him so much is because he is alot like myself in a very different manner. sometimes we mix well & sometimes we are better seperate. but no matter what i think we compliment eachother in the best way. i won't lie. when i first saw him i was immediately attracted to his outter shell, but can you blame me? that was all i was really exposed to.. our relationship just got so comfortable and so broken in so fast. it was amazing. it was magic. it was...love. sometimes, when we argue, i have to remember how long we have been together. it's okay for us to feel comfortable enough to release our true feelings. we are just two very INTENSE individuals that we often try and hurt one another without realizing how much it really does freakin HURT :[ i don't know about other peoples' love lives but just know that mine is not defined by any means & i really don't believe anyone's is. you can observe alot just by observing someone or a group or people but thats the very extent. you cant define. but this is what i learned about my relationship and since this is my journal i am going to post it for myself to let it out. read it or not. i don't give a fuck cause i never get on this anyway so this is me ranting. anyway, i learned that my relationship is driven alot by PASSION and there is two very passionate individuals in front. as said, we are individuals. there will be butting of the heads, but to look at it from an optimistic point of view, there WILL be alot of LEARNING and LOVING. i love when someone teaches me something or has something new to offer. things will get crazzzzzzier and crazzzzzzzzier but that can only make us stronger and stronger... two good looking people = lots of jealously whether or not either of us like to admit it. PRIDE is not always such a good factor. it's one thing to not take what you know you don't deserve, but another to be stubborn or revengeful. HONESTLY&TRUST. basically one in the same. be rediculous and give that person every reason in the world to trust you or expect to get questioned. LOVE. and i mean this in the "affection & care" department. never stop kissing, hugging, being cute, helping, etc etc. simply do not stop caring. my relationship strives off affection. we need it. we both stress HARD, sometimes over similiar situations, sometimes over other things. always be there. my boyfriend is my bestfriend and i never want to take him for granted.

[September 22, 2006 @ 3:16pm] life hasnt been all that bad. brock and i are back together there's just alot of other stuff i am thinking about now that i chose to ignore when brock and i were fighting due to the fact that my mind was so wrapped up in the drama between brock and myself. guhhhh. now its friday night. im broke. i want to go shopping! and get my hair done! (a whole new drastic color change) and get my usual new weekly supply of makeup and all that fun girly stuff i love. i want a new car! & i want the everything GUESS after hitting up macy's. i am in looove with their fall collection <3333

[September 09, 2006 @ 4:58am] [ mood | miserable ] [ music | evermore - its too late (remix) ] this song is so fitting for my mood right now. its by evermore.."its too late"...the dirty south remix though. i miss brock. we broke up :[ and though i only think of the good // it was my fault. it was pretty much my decision. but now i miss him...alot :[ and i know its the end. for real. and all i want to do is cry. but i have too much pride. and its my stupid PRIDE that really broke us up. damn.

[July 24, 2006 @ 2:15am] [ music | robbie rivera ] ( just some pics from whenever. )

[July 18, 2006 @ 12:23am] [ mood | untouchable ] [ music | thuuunder. ] it's storming purtttay badd. but for anyone who cares, my life is good. life should always be good because living is such a precious gift. it really is. i thank [whoever is out there] everyday for being alive seeing what i've seen and being able to do what i do. i have always preached how precious life was to people. even to my parents after telling them i hated life because they wouldnt buy me a car for my sixteenth birthday.  HA. my life is definitely taking its turns. you couldnt even imagine. AND if you heard anything, the rumors are probably true. oh, i'm kidding. kind of. i cant believe fall is coming. theres so much to look forward to & yet, i just think about politics so much and i guess i just get bummed out a little. science bums me out some as well. haha. yeah, i am just different like that. anyway, not only am i greatful for the life i live but i am most definitely greatful for the people in my life. i have never been more happy in my life. i never knew one could be as happy as i am right now. some call it content? and that may just be it... but judging myself i am never content. it's always about more. but i am definitely content with those in my life and i could just tear up thinking about them gone :( for the most part, my attitude is positive and i'm just looking forward! so thats my rambling for the month or year or whatever. love me or hate me. mwuah, tiff xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[June 15, 2006 @ 11:45pm] yup, i deleted my myspace yesterday. it feels soooo good. & i didnt do it for anyone. i did it for myself. it's actually somewhat humurous how bad of an impact that site had on me. maybe someday ill throw myself back up on it... but for now i am just testing myself and seeing all the better things i can do with my time. today was a very relaxed, myspace-free day. hahah. i went to the beach with the boyfriend, we took the dog, then we went and layed out on the floaties at mitch's pool, ate some delicious food, came home, kate came over, hung out with her, mom came over, hung out with mom, made her garage sale signs and talked, i made some good house cds for brock's truck cause everybody takes em! haha. those are gonna STAY PUT! and then just hung out with my beeeeautiful love. now he's all sore from working out and his arms are swollen :( i put an ice pack and frozen vegetable bags on there for him. hahaha. i love him. i hope we stay together. i really have the most fun with him & he just inspires me to be all that i can & want to be... few are lucky to have someone like that in their lives & to those that do, more power to you. i love seeing people in long lasting relationships all happy & what not. it makes me have more faith in people. i have major trust issues, as i probably should considering i meet alot of skeezers (sp?). well, im out. just listening to music and being super how cause the central ac is brooooken & the ac people dont get here till tomorrow. boo! :( its like a sauna and misquitos are getting in! ew. anyways, here are some things i want as i always post! bah, im such a girl :) ( stuff i want/will get )

[June 13, 2006 @ 7:21pm] all my friends are going to school for BUSINESS, or going to med school, or going to law school... and what am i going to school for? FASHION DESIGN. LAME!

[June 13, 2006 @ 2:00am] [ music | nelly furtado & timbaland... ] um... update!

[June 11, 2006 @ 2:08am] sometimes i feel like the solutions to my problems is me running AWAY from my problems and well, that is NEVER the solution. sometimes i just want to do everything right and start over, but theres only so many times you can start over. who wants to start over? its not like i can be lucky enough to have what i have now, again?? why would i risk losing what i have for something fake... im sick of talking to ppl about my problems. and by ppl i mean my only friends. no matter what i end up just finding my own solutions on my own. i go with my own instincts. ive always been that way. ill get someone else's input and completely blow it off... i dont know. i just dont know.

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